Caring never looks hard until you do it

Before I started being a carer I went to the gym four days a week. Went where I liked and when i liked. And if I wanted to stay back and finish a special job I could work long hours. Back then I could do what ever i liked when i wanted to. But all that changed in a dramatic way three years ago. And at first I thought it would only be for three weeks. Then maybe only for three months. And slowly it dawned on me that this job will continue while Lily is alive. So it could go on her years. Three years ago I know i was fitter. And that is also an issue I have to address.

I'm having a short break from caring because Lily is in hospital. Lily is my very elderly relative. She has always been an important part of my life. Lily had a child a long time ago, but he died. Her husband lost the will to live after that and he died, leaving her alone. Well not completely. She enjoys visits from relatives. Twenty five years ago Lily had a health scare and at that time the Doctor would not let her home unless she could nominate a person who would check up on her regularly. Lily asked me to be that person. She used to be very independent, but twenty years ago I noticed that she started to get a little more needy. Then after a health scare fifteen years ago Lily sought me out whenever she wanted something fixed or attended to. Then three years ago she called on me when she felt 'funny' as she put it. I took one look at her and called an ambulance. Just as well too. Because that was a tough challenge for Lily.
So Lily has had some serious health issues. She can be pessimistic - the glass is always half empty for her. And I've always been the complete opposite. . And says if she had a pinch of my optimism she might see things differently. I tell her if I had a pinch of her wisdom I would be a much better person.
She's been very sick this time, and on a drip, but finally is on the mend. But I know Monday will be full on. That's the day she gets out of hospital and comes home. I've visited her after work each day. Each day she is more worried and does not want me to leave. But the Doctor said she can't go home until she's had some physio. Until she can walk OK again. So everyday she has done her physio faithfully.

I let everyone Lily knows and sees regularly know where Lily's rehabilitation place was and I am very happy that a number of those people went to visit Lily. She liked getting those visitors. Ad I have let her know of all the neighbors who have asked about her.

During the week (when Lily is at her home) at her home Lily has carers who help her at different times in the day. Then at the end of the day i take over. So after work I make her tea, help her with things and in the morning I make her breakfast, talk about what is in the news and then i go to work. At weekends I can spend more time with her, and do the washing, cleaning etc. Oh, and I look after her garden (as well as my own garden irregularly) because looking after her garden is now too much for Lily. Though she loves her garden to look lovely.

And some times at weekends, I make some meals in advance so that I can get her tea ready more quickly at the end of the day, during the week days.
Lily lives so far away from me, and I do not drive a car, so that the only way I can assist her is to stay overnight most days. So my home does not get much love. And Lily complains that she is 'very worried' every time I do go to my place. Her over anxious outlook can be tiring.
But today there was no pressure. I just did things I wanted to do. This will be my last Saturday like this for a long time. So I actually got to spend an extended time in my garden. It felt so good. But because of the drought and the extra hot weather recently I counted all the plants i have lost while looking after Lily these last three years. I have to watch that I do not get sad, drained out and as pessimistic as Lily. I have to make more time to do something nice for me. Because caring is all about what has to be done next for the person. And their needs seem always more pressing.

I knew people who were carers before I ever became a carer. And I know I used to ask myself, 'why is that woman so tired?' Because I could not understand how hard caring can be.
Now i know. It is mentally very exhausting. And the person being cared for seems to get more and more needy as time goes on.
So my goal in the next six months is to find opportunities to do something nice for me in between working full time and looking after Lily. And find some opportunities to regain some fitness. And maybe very gently stand up to lily when i know she is twisting me around her finger. Though that last one may be too diffcult.