Chocolate bunny strikes

It is unrealistic of me to hope that as time goes by the Lily might improve a little. Be more steady on her feet. Be prepared to make more decisions for herself. I know some of her carers love to allow her to sit back while they do everything. I prefer to sit beside Lily and hand her the clothes she needs to put on next. And it takes longer. There is the constant 'I can't do it, I can't'. But I sit beside her and encourage her and eventually her arm fits into the sleeve. Or she manages to stand up and walk a little. Or sometimes as walk outside in the sun.
And it takes longer to do all this encouraging.
And it takes longer to sit there while Lily takes her time to 'do things for herelf'
Take a glass of water for instance: 'which glass will i choose?' asks Lily.
I always say, 'Lily you choose which glass'
And then i wait while the big decision making takes place.

But today was a big challenge. I got the word that Lily had slightly 'lost it' and her carer phoned me with her concerns. So another day when i had to leave work early and get back and pick up the pieces [so to speak]
But people keep the sort of thing that happened today very hush hush.
But for a carer one gets used to apologising the the professional carers, for what they had to deal with, and then trying to pick up the pieces.
So as soon as I came through the door I had to start cleaning up the carpet, the slippers, the clothing and sheets. But due to the vomiting Lily declined an evening meal. It turns out that the large chocolate rabbit that her favourite carer gave her for Easter - and should have been enough for a family of five for a month - was devoured by Lily (who is tiny, yet is unlikely to ever get fat)over the last 3 days. particularly today. No wonder she got an upset tummy.
She was checked out and pronounced OK save for too much chocolate that had upset the insides a little.


And very late this week one of the usual carers dropped the bombshell that she was unavailable next week. If she had told me earlier then maybe I could have organised a replacement.
But instead it will be me. Which means something i had planned to do has to be put to one side for another one or two weeks.
I have to acknowledge that i have some very useful innter strength that sustains me through all this.

Thank goodness for Ebay

one little bright spot that i discovered when Lily was in hospital was ebay. I know - it is amazing that I never ever thought to try it earlier.

But I have discovered some things and some wonderful people on ebay.

And have been delighted with the arrival of the things I purchased. It is a easy way to spend a spare half hour, from time to time.

And I never realised what wonderful things are on ebay.
Lots of things I really love.
Thank you Ebay for the little ray of sunshine you beamed into my life.

in a spiral vortex of caring - there are ways out, but one must actively look for them

still feeling overwhelmed. feel like it is demanded of me that I make every decision. It takes longer to wait for Lily to decide. It takes patience. And time. No wonder it is hard to get much done, except attend to Lily at all times. Some of her carers during the day are commenting that she is sleeping more and more. And it is difficult to wake her.
Yet over the last few days Lily has called out to me and required my assistance - such that I have averaged a total of 4 hours sleep per night for four nights in a row. It is almost as if Lily is trying to convince herself that no matter how demanding she becomes that I will still care for her. I have guaranteed that I will care for her.
But I know that Lily is very insecure.
How many times can I say, Lily I will do it.
Sometimes Lily behaves in ways that make it harder to care for.
But she must be worried or scared to keep this up.
There are only so many times i can reassure and reassure her.
Somewhere in all this Lily (maybe) will relax and realise that I will just be patient, not matter what she throws at me.
So far she has been in bed for three hours and has announced twice that she has 'wet herself'
She would never ever have behaved like this earlier.
She would have been horrified at her behaviour.
Thank goodness I order more 'products' on Friday to accommodate the greater use Lily is making of continence aids.
I am sure that some people who have never ever considered looking after a relative think it is all about taking in the breakfast tray in the morning and then skipping off to face the day.
It is not like that at all.
It consumes one's life.
It means that one does not have much of a life outside caring.
And the person being cared for has greater needs - so that always comes first.
It is harder to find time to catch up with friends.
And that (sadly) means that one becomes less able to keep in touch.
And even more sadly friends ring less as invariably if the phone rings Lily becomes extra demanding on the basis that she is worried that I am being taken away from caring for her - even though I am perhaps only 7 metres away. She calls out to me or develops a pressing seriously important (to her) demand that must be met immediately.
So instead I call my friends after she has gone to bed, shut the door, and speak softly.
Next week I am organising a treat for myself - though first I had to arrange for a carer to spend all Saturday with Lily so i can do it. More about that treat later.