still feeling overwhelmed. feel like it is demanded of me that I make every decision. It takes longer to wait for Lily to decide. It takes patience. And time. No wonder it is hard to get much done, except attend to Lily at all times. Some of her carers during the day are commenting that she is sleeping more and more. And it is difficult to wake her.
Yet over the last few days Lily has called out to me and required my assistance - such that I have averaged a total of 4 hours sleep per night for four nights in a row. It is almost as if Lily is trying to convince herself that no matter how demanding she becomes that I will still care for her. I have guaranteed that I will care for her.
But I know that Lily is very insecure.
How many times can I say, Lily I will do it.
Sometimes Lily behaves in ways that make it harder to care for.
But she must be worried or scared to keep this up.
There are only so many times i can reassure and reassure her.
Somewhere in all this Lily (maybe) will relax and realise that I will just be patient, not matter what she throws at me.
So far she has been in bed for three hours and has announced twice that she has 'wet herself'
She would never ever have behaved like this earlier.
She would have been horrified at her behaviour.
Thank goodness I order more 'products' on Friday to accommodate the greater use Lily is making of continence aids.
I am sure that some people who have never ever considered looking after a relative think it is all about taking in the breakfast tray in the morning and then skipping off to face the day.
It is not like that at all.
It consumes one's life.
It means that one does not have much of a life outside caring.
And the person being cared for has greater needs - so that always comes first.
It is harder to find time to catch up with friends.
And that (sadly) means that one becomes less able to keep in touch.
And even more sadly friends ring less as invariably if the phone rings Lily becomes extra demanding on the basis that she is worried that I am being taken away from caring for her - even though I am perhaps only 7 metres away. She calls out to me or develops a pressing seriously important (to her) demand that must be met immediately.
So instead I call my friends after she has gone to bed, shut the door, and speak softly.
Next week I am organising a treat for myself - though first I had to arrange for a carer to spend all Saturday with Lily so i can do it. More about that treat later.
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